Waking the Future

I grew tired of waking up to partisan bickering, celebrity deification, and tired narratives about the role of our country in the world. I set my alarm for decades in the future. I woke, brushed the dust off and shuffled to the front door frame (now missing a door). There was rot everywhere and the whole interior smelled of mold. I walked down a dusty, nondescript wasteland until I reached a portable newspaper and coffee stand.

I picked up a newspaper, took a bench adjacent to the coffee stand, and began to read.


SITA votes for Indi-renminbi standard in Europe

The Sino-Indian Treaty Alliance voted today to finalize the conversion of what remains of Europe's scattered currencies to the unified Chinese/Indian currency standard, agreed upon last decade. This has broad implications throughout Europe, as has already been demonstrated in Australia and in parts of the Middle East and South America. China's acting Premier and President, Hu Chunhua, representing China's sixth generation of leadership and the Chinese half of the SITA delegation, pledged cooperation with all of the remaining European countries to ensure a smooth transition. Through a translator, he added,

"For too long, decision making for the good of Europe's financial stability has suffered from bad behavior and selfishness on the part of its leaders. It is time for this bad behavior to be corrected. We have numerous suggestions about how the countries in Europe can resolve some of their outstanding debt. We also hope that our dear friends in the United States enjoying their Tea Party can also commune with its allies in Europe and learn some good lessons from it as well."

Republic of India's Prime Minister, Dr. Kumar Gupta, also added,

"It is not our intention to impose our will on Europe. The successes across Asia are demonstrative that our example can be followed and must be followed. We employ a harsh equation: that the European leadership and the Tea Faction in the west are the child who begs for sweets at dinnertime instead of good protein and sustenance.  We must simply find the transition point and clasp it delicately. We have considered the advice from what remains the of tatters of the European alliance, but we feel this monetary standard's greatest implications are to raise the quality of life for all Europeans and for all the world."


"WWTBP" Producers Announce Overhauls

Each of the 46 State appointed Producers of the ongoing Government program announced numerous changes to the show's format. March sweeps will introduce the first of many changes to the wildly successful, ongoing series.

"We're very excited about the fifteenth season of 'Who Wants to Be President." said District of Columbia Producer Don Hempstead. "I think audiences across the United States will be thrilled and genuinely excited about the format changes taking place. As for what those are - you will have to do your civic duty and tune in!"

An anonymous production assistant has suggested that the 'Vote by Twitter' methodology that has been a staple of the show is being broadened to give more citizens a chance to get involved in the process. In the past, there has been much controversy about celebrity's greater access to twitter. The spate of recent celebrity Presidents - particularly Presidents Pitt and Zuckerberg - has inflamed those charges, and the producers ensure citizens that they are listening.

"We have heard the concerns of the American People," continues Hempstead. "Our partners Monsanto and Exxon-Shell share this sentiment. We believe that Twitter votes still matter, but your concerns are being discussed as we speak. We can't wait for the american people to be as thrilled as we are about some of the exciting format change ahead for 'Who Wants To Be President?'"


Final Section of Liberty Wall Demolished in Arizona

The Arizona Liberty Wall, famous for its imposing height and turret mounted machine guns, is seeing the removal of its final section Tuesday.  Once a ubiquitous sight along the the Arizona-Mexico border, the wall became a symbol of anti-Immigrant intolerance and was erected despite outcries from the United States and most of the other remaining border states. The Ready Minuteman Militia, headed up by noted Tea Party head Gordon Ready, had spent the last few months shackled to the Wall in protest.

"Now that the Minutemen presence is minimized, we can get to work on dismantling this blight on our great Country of Arizona," said acting President Bristol Palin. Palin has, in recent years, rejected many of the tenets put forth by her famous separatist mother in lieu of more moderate approaches to the increasingly porous border between scattered border States and The seceded Republics of Southwest Texas and Arizona.

The Liberty Wall, had grown infamous for its increasingly grisly murals, most commissioned by the Militias operating the wall, depicting corpses, skulls and the Arizona flag. Palin's twitter feed has suggested that she may consider returning to the country of her birth and participating on WWTBP in the coming season. The move to dismantle the wall is considered by many to be Palin's final act as President of Arizona.


SISA Votes to Abolish Arts & Humanities

In the wake of the closure of the last non-charter school in the United States, the Sino-Indian Scholarship Alliance has used its considerable influence to propose that the Board of Directors put the the Monsanto School Corporation up for a vote to abolish any class outside of the Mathematics and Science curriculum considered standard through all of Monsanto's charter schools.

"We value the arts," said Radhi Singh, spokesman for SISA. "But the Monsanto vouchers supplied to students at the start of each school year do not account for the numerous art supplies required to adequately complete these courses. We are not asking for the systematic destructuring of arts programs in the United States; rather, we would prefer that the core curriculum not continue to make additional demands on students' families, who are already paying for over half of their charter school education."

It is expected that the core Science and Math curriculum, spearheaded by the flagship courses, software engineering and network administration, will continue to thrive and that arts courses will still be available at numerous community colleges.


Liberty Flotillas Propose Alliance

The hundreds of seastead flotillas stationed through the Pacific Corridor have reached out to delegates in the Senate and House majorities, said a Tea Party representative on condition of anonymity. The cluster of derelict oil rigs and makeshift flotillas, considered autonomous Libertarian Entities with their own systems of Government, have begun feeling the pressure from SITA-backed naval forces in the Pacific, along with Filipino Pirates. Preliminary negotiations are said to be in place for some sort of National Defense Perimeter.  It has been suggested that talks between the U.S. and the Seasteading entities will address the thousands of refugees anxious to abandon the flotillas, many of which have been overcome with a new strain of scurvy and conflicts over food and weapons stores.


Food Drops to Sensible Societies (tm) to Cease

The Chase-Fargo sponsored Sensible Societies project, now in its eighth year, is ceasing food drops, a spokesman said. The drops have sustained communities hardest hit, particularly those outside the protective biospheres that house many of the nation's corporate leaders, monetary experts, and politician celebrities.  

The Sensible Societies communities, available for the majority of the population living beneath the poverty line, have only grown in prominence as the widening gulf between the classes emerged. Green Glen, the community on the Georgia/North Carolina border, is said to have petitioned for an extension of the food drops, as the state of its interior is said to have devolved into a thirty mile wide slum, rife with violence and roving gangs. However, the White House issued a statement regarding ceased operations over most of Sensible Society drop zones:

"It's time that Sensible Societies finally realize its great potential as self serving enterprises, and stop depending so heavily on Federal Assistance. The project was first realized as a reaction to the great need for order in our cities' most hard-hit communities, particularly those not industrious enough to live better lives in our Biospheres. The time for Federal Assistance has passed. There needs to be a clear delineation between Federal Guidance and Federal Assistance."

There was no comment from within Green Glen, Hidden Falls or any other of the other sub poverty zones, probably due to malfunctioning or faulty communications equipment.


I put down the paper and wandered back to the building I came from. I laid very still, hoping that my stillness would summon sleep and that soon, the dust would settle again.


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